Hello! And let me start with thank you!
If you are here it means that you have clicked on the link I shared on Facebook.
I’m not really sure what I want this to be. Mostly, it is a documentation of me getting my life, soul, mental and physical health back on track, but mostly my physical health.
I was going through some of my outfit of the day pictures I would take back in high school and college and I realized just how far I have let my weight get out of control over the last couple years. I was wearing almost two dress sizes smaller and a lot of clothes that were loose then are tight or too small now. I didn’t want to think about my weight and always assumed, because the item was so many years old it must be shrinking or not as stretchy as they used to be. And while that is the case for some, it is not for the rest of my closet.
Currently my weight is 248.7. I have gained about 40 pounds in 3 years because I am eating whatever I want and not exercising. This is now, going to change and as much as I want to ask for help in this change in my life, I am going to say no. This is something I can’t lean on anyone else for and I need to find what works for my body.
This also comes at a time where I am trying to plan my wedding on top of my other life obligations, the perfect time for people to “eat their feelings” over the stress. I also know a lot of brides who will starve themselves to fit into a dress. I am not doing that, but I have bought my dress and need to make sure I do not gain anymore between now and 10/27.
Like I said this is also getting my mind and soul back on track, I have been slightly depressed over the last year because of my weight. Thinking I look one way and then getting my engagement pictures back, which were amazing, but I either have a double chin or roll sticking out the whole time. Definitely one of those moments where I had to look at them and then at myself in the mirror and realize that it is the same person. But when I look in the mirror, I tilt my head a way or just don’t look at this and none of those things exist in my head but in life they are there. Or when I am talking to someone at work, there is a glass wall between me and the people in the hall, every once in a while I can see my reflection in their shirt or something and see just how big I look when I’m not trying to look thinner for myself.
I know I’m fat. It seems like when you are people around you try not to talk about it or will try to make it sound like your not, or it’s not that bad. But it’s okay, I know I’m fat, and yes I am trying to help myself, but at the same time I am not trying to lose all the weight I possibly can. I know because of some of my diagnoses through out the years and how my body is built, I am never going to be a size 2. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to climb stairs again. I want to not have back and knee pain. I want to sleep better. And I want to be the woman my fiance deserves to be with. I will always be a fat girl and I am alright with that.
On Wednesday I stopped eating fast food, this included Starbucks in the mornings. Starting today/ Monday I am meal prepping and getting back on track of what I eat. I was terrible at lunch time at work. I would either eat a salt and sugar filled frozen meal that was not enough food, or I would get or have fast food delivered in. But, I was the worst for breakfast, I would purposely leave my house early so I could stop at Sonic, McDonald’s, or Whataburger, which ever I felt like that day. Not only was this a terrible habit for my body, it was terrible for my wallet as well. I don’t even want to think about the amount of money I have spent on fast food in the last year.
So now, I am prepping on the weekends. Whole wheat bagel with almond butter with fruit and fat-free yogurt for breakfast. For lunch, either baked salmon, broccoli and roasted potatoes or spaghetti squash and roasted brussels sprouts. That is this weeks menu. I’m hoping that each week I will give an update on what is happening with my food and life and how my progress is going.
Thank you all for being here and supporting me!
P.S. Kyla- I love this picture you took, I choose it because it is a perfect example of what I didn’t realize everyone around me sees.